Five Year Sunglasses
by Edea-007
Summary: It has been 5 years since the disappearance of Relena Dorlain. Not unlike Heero, he keeps to himself, yet he turns the world upside down and over still to find her. Of course, she might be dead...


Author's Notes : This song-fic is set to the song "Light Years" by Pearl Jam. This story is based around the disappearance of Relena, and how Heero copes with it. Sure it sounds stupid, but read it anyway! ^_^  
  
  
  
I've used hammers made out of wood,  
  
I've played games with pieces and rules,  
  
I undeciphered tricks at the bar, but now you're gone,  
  
And I haven't figured out why...  
  
"It's way to cold for a walk! You'd have to be crazy to go out in this weather!" Duo shouted as he followed closely behind the silent, poised pilot in the oversized green jacket. It was the middle of November on earth, and in this part of the world the temperatures where only reaching a high of thirty-five degrees.  
  
The sky was gray and gloomy; it was depressed.  
  
Finally, after six weeks of Heero sneaking out every day to go on a walk, Duo had been asked to go with him. Actually, Heero didn't sneak out, he just left every day at 11:30am and didn't go back to his apartment until about two. The braided one had always wondered where he had gone, and now he got to see. There was a little pinch nervousness, but of course that was covered up by excitement.   
But Heero seemed so out of it...  
  
The boy didn't say anything at Duo's comment, he just kept walking, as though he knew where he was going all his life, straight forward, heading for some unknown destination. His face kept the same icy cold stare, as though he had a blizzard running through his veins.  
  
Duo felt a little awkward, Heero had been quite before, but this was more than quiet. This was silence. Heero had no expression on his face, not even his suicidal, mundane look that he carried around all the time. Duo shook his head and bit his lip. He didn't want to upset Heero, but that was relatively hard when he didn't know what he was upset about.  
  
"Say Heero! Where the hell are we going anyway? I mean you still haven't told me where." There was the same carefree tone in Duo's words that was always present, but now he was afraid of "stepping on Heero's" toes. Heero gave a disapproving, if not disgusted moan that only the cold dirt road and Duo could hear.  
  
"Hey man! Don't get an attitude with me! I just want to know where you're taking me, that's all." Duo snidely replied.  
  
"You'll know when we get there." The Perfect Solider growled in that same monotone tone he always took when he was annoyed.  
  
He still wasn't sure why Duo was here. He still wasn't sure why he was here. Why was he even going to the place? Why didn't he take a car? Couldn't he have gone alone? Wouldn't it have been more soldier like? Though silent on the outside, his brain was hammering with the noises and questions that plagued him like a bad past.   
Like his past.  
  
Some said that she just picked up and left. She got tired of all the pressures. First, she was the daughter of a foreign minister, than a leader of a nation, the queen of the world, and finally a Prime Minister.  
  
People talked like people do; they said she just got fed up with all the work and pressures. That she lacked the social life a growing girl needs while coming up in the world. Heero wondered how many people had forgotten that she had been a teenager; that he had been a teenager.  
  
Then their were those who said she was taken, taken by a secret military faction. Killed for betraying the colonies and earth or something patriotic like that. Some say she killed herself, had enough of this life; that she wanted to see the next. Maybe she ran away.  
  
Somebody even went so far as to say that she had fallen in love with some dashing stranger and ran off to get married, leaving all her responsibilities behind, becoming a wife and mother.  
  
Heero smiled to himself. Those were hardly characteristics of Relena Dorlian, giving it all up for a man. The thought slowly seeped into the bowels of his mind... He stopped dead in his tracks.  
  
Would she give it all up for a man? She certainly almost gave it all away for him...  
  
But had it really been that bad? He had never had anyone dote on him like that, follow him around constantly making sure he was okay. So what if it was probably just the raging hormones of teenage girl? The point was she had followed through, made an effort.  
The wind blew and the forgotten memories all came back.  
  
"Heero...buddy, you okay?" Duo asked nervously as Heero came out of his stupor of thoughts. Heero's only response at first was an empty blink, but through it all he managed to shake his head.  
  
"Why don't I believe it?" Duo replied sarcastically.  
  
Heero took a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
Duo looked at him with disbelief, but didn't question his words. He sensed that Heero didn't need to be hassled with, or maybe he just needed a sympathetic ear. Duo had to laugh at that one.  
  
A sympathetic ear?! Since when had Heero Yuy ever talked about his feelings to anyone?  
  
"Never in this lifetime..." Duo whispered to himself.  
  
Heero fought back a lump that rose up in his throat as he began walking once more, towards his destination. He tried not to think, but damn the mind for doing that automatically. Once more, he found his thoughts drifting towards that same blonde headed girl and her diplomatic smile.  
  
Maybe she would. Maybe Relena did meet someone. Perhaps she got to tired of waiting for him... And she found someone else.  
  
She was the only one who had ever smiled at him, even after she got to know him. He threatened to kill her repeatedly, yet still her vibrant spirit - her sheer curiosity and will power kept careening her back to him. The thought of her ever loving someone else...  
  
It had been almost five years now, five long years since she was there, and then - in a sense of the word - vanished. Relena Dorlian fell from earth, left without a trace. The last place anyone had seen her was when she was taking a midday walk, clearing her mind. Five years - that's all Heero could think, five years.  
  
  
I've come up with riddles and jokes about war,  
  
I figured out numbers and what they're for,  
  
I've understood feelings and understood words,  
  
But how could you be taken away...  
  
  
Heero had tried to start his own investigation. He hit the streets seeing if anyone had heard anything new. It was just ludicrous in his mind to think that Relena just picked up and left.  
  
Four years ago he was so damn sure that she was taken away by some freedom fighters or a small terrorist faction. But as the years seemed to slip by, so did the explanations, and the hope.  
  
All of the other pilots had given up. Sure Relena was somewhat of a friend to them and maybe they should have fought longer, but it just was to hard to believe she was alive out there, somewhere, after five years.  
  
Once, Heero was over in a small northern union region called New Franklin. He had heard that Relena had been taken by a group called "K.F.G, the Knights Falling from Grace"; a band of outcast soldiers who decided to take some action and get their voices heard in the world. And it wasn't necessarily instinct, but in more of a habit that Heero spent seven months of his life tracking down every one of the group's men and questioning them. But it didn't matter much anyway, he didn't find anything.  
  
No, he didn't love Relena, not in the traditional sense of the word anyway. But through it all - his bad times, his good times, when he felt like there was no tomorrow and when all he had was today; when he never thought he would make it out alive - it was always her name, her face, and her voice that brought him through it every damn time. Heero had become so totally dependent on this unlikely angel that it seemed as though his whole world revolved around her. She was more of a sister than a friend, but more than a sister. Sometimes he didn't even understand it.  
  
All he knew was that he would find her. Wherever she was in the God- forsaken universe, he would find her and bring her back, it was his mission, it was what he wanted.  
  
Duo walked slowly, almost nervously behind Heero, as though he was being held captive by a stranger, forced along for the ride. They had been walking in complete silence for about an hour now and it was a little irritating to Duo, not knowing where they were going. He was about to say something when they reached a clearing -- it was a beach.  
  
It was the most beautiful thing Duo had ever seen in his life. The water was so... clear and the sand was as white as it could be. It stretched for miles; the water seemed to go out forever. Duo couldn't understand how Heero had never told him of this before.  
  
Heero walked along the edge of where the ocean met the land and slowly let the water brush up against his pants. Duo watched silently, as his pilot, his partner, his friend, seemed to get lost in the moment. The cool November breeze flew up against Heero's icy cold face and chest as the dark gray skies turned a lighter shade; anything but the perfect sea weather. Heero stared at the water, longingly. He ran his fingers through his hair, and took a deep breath.  
  
"Is it... Wrong... To miss her?"  
  
Duo looked up quickly, unsure of what he just heard. He peered at Heero with a confused but compassionate look. It wasn't that he didn't think he heard Heero just say what he thought he had said, but that, he said something that was along the emotional end of things.  
  
"Come again?" Duo replied. The braided boy stood on the sand, watching his partner.  
  
Heero choked back a lump in his throat again. Maybe it was the setting, maybe it was the weather, maybe...maybe it was just him, but something was making him want to talk so badly, it was as though he was just ready to leak out or explode.  
  
"Is it wrong....to miss...her?" Heero asked once more, his voice a little more shaky than before. Yet still, he stood stationary, looking as lost as any soul could be, but looking as firm and perfect as he could be. The perfect solider stood unwarily, hoping for an answer that would quiet his mind forever, but Duo couldn't think of anything appropriate to say.  
  
"Who?" Duo asked making his way to Heero's side. The water felt like ice against Duo's ankles, but it didn't really bother him that much.  
  
"I haven't seen her in so long..." Heero murmured. Duo knew exactly whom he meant. He probably had known right from the start. Duo arranged his face to give the same empty and perplexed stare Heero was giving.  
  
"Five years is a long time." Duo said very softly, very seriously.  
  
"Five years... I wonder what she's doing now?"  
  
"Probably smiling down on you." Duo said unconsciously. He had been one of the last people to agree that Relena was gone, that she was dead somewhere, but he had decided to face the facts. Heero looked at Duo in disbelief, and let the same empty stare penetrate Duo's very core. The look was more than uncomfortable and Duo sure as hell didn't like it.  
  
"If she were---"  
  
"Heero, you said it yourself, it's been five years." Duo cut-off very impatiently. It was like he was angry with the whole subject. "Five years! Anything could have happened. The most logical explanation is that she was kidnapped and ki... and..."   
Heero gave off a sarcastic, weak little laugh.  
  
"Even you can't say it..." He hissed. The wind came up in a full gust and slashed open both boys' faces like sharpened knives. It didn't bother them though. They were both lost in thoughts...  
  
  
And wherever you've gone and wherever we might go,  
  
It don't seem fair, today just disappeared.  
  
Your light's reflected now, reflected from afar,  
  
We were but stones,  
  
Your light made us stars...  
  
  
The silence lasted for a little while, no one really sure as of what to say. A million things popped into Duo's head, but none of them seemed to be appropriate. In a way, he wanted Heero to say more, so he could understand him a little better, but at the same time he wanted to just walk away.  
  
"Do you know how many times she's saved me? How many times I've..." Heero sighed heavily, the wind was only getting stronger and it looked like a storm was on the way. It was strange to him; he had never felt this way before. It wasn't love, but it wasn't just... friendship.  
  
"Heero...."  
  
"I should be dead now." His voice returned back to that monotonous pitch that seemed to always be around. It caught Duo off-guard and he looked at the confused, suicidal brown haired boy standing next to him. It was all he could do just not to hug him.  
  
"I was nothing; I still am nothing without her. Her lights shined so damn bright, and sometimes I didn't want them too..." Heero paused looking for the right words to use, "But isn't it better to be blinded by the light than wander around in the darkness? I'm mean, you're fucked either way but..."  
  
Duo was thrown into a morbid silence by Heero's words. It was unlike Heero to say anything like that, ever. Duo just stood in the water with his own, empty and confused gaze. Heero shook his head.  
  
"I wonder what she's thinking now. Do you think she found somebody? Ran away like they said?" He asked in his same careless attitude. Duo sighed.  
  
"She was seeing a guy... According to some people." Duo said hoarsely, the cold air and his mixed emotions were starting to rise up in his throat.  
  
"She's out there, and I will find her." Heero said firmly. His eyes did not blink nor did his body move as he stared out at the sea.  
  
"Godspeed, Heero... Godspeed." That was all Duo could think to say. He put his hand on Heero's shoulder and sighed deeply again. He looked at Heero and shook his head slightly.  
  
"I want to be left alone for awhile." Heero commanded. His stone cold features still remained the same. Duo tightened his grip on Heero's shoulder and acknowledged silently. Duo took one last look up at the sky and headed for the road, leaving Heero and his thoughts alone with the sea.  
  
When all was said and done, the water began to get cold around Heero's feet. He stepped back slowly and just fell down backwards onto the sand. He sat there, wordless and upset. It was written on his face. He couldn't believe he just had said all that to anyone but a wall.  
  
It hadn't made him feel any better. In some ways, he had hoped by telling someone else how he felt, she would come running back; she would come back perfect as always, right on time. The boy listened to the wind blow and the seagulls make agitated chirps as they fought to get through the cold rush of air. He stayed this way for two hours.  
  
With heavy breath, awakened regrets,  
  
Back pages and days alone  
  
That could have been spent together,  
  
But we were miles apart...  
  
It was all black; the sea had faded away and the sky disappeared. Nothing was there except the picture in his mind of a little girl who had no one there to protect her. He kept thinking about the first time he met her, how she had stared at him in awe. He enrolled in her school, he threatened to kill her, but she still bestowed upon him the same natural kindness that flowed so gently through her veins.  
  
She would be about twenty-one now, like all the rest of them. Heero couldn't help but think what she was doing...somehow he didn't see her as the party type. Heero closed his eyes and began to lie down on the white powdery sand. If he froze to death it wouldn't matter, it wasn't like he had much left to live for anyway.  
  
Had he been too mean to her over the years? Had he been too cold towards her? Couldn't he have been a little nicer? Towards the end, at least. He hadn't really said much to her, never really sat down and had a full conversation. But then again, he wasn't much of a conversationalist. She had always been too nice to him, and he just always walked away. Was that really any way to treat a girl? Was that really any way to treat her? Heero took a deep sigh, trying mostly to forget.  
  
Out of nowhere, the darkness was pierced by the sound of a dog barking. Heero's eyes shot wide open as he heard voices.  
  
"Toby! Come back Toby!" A little voice screamed. Heero could hear the noises getting louder and he jumped to his feet. He saw a little girl, her brown, curly hair bouncing and waving in the wind, running after a puppy. They were both approaching him, but in the distance, Heero saw another figure, running twice as fast towards them.  
  
"Catherine! Stop! Catherine! I said stop Catherine!" A woman screamed. Even though she was somewhat far away, Heero could still hear her loud and clear. He watched as the dog came in his "range of fire", and walked towards it.  
  
"Toby!" The little voice screamed even louder. Heero bent down and grabbed hold of the dog's collar; he looked at the dog and gave a half smile. The little girl ran up; she was carrying something in her hand - a leash, of course - and she quickly attached it to the little dog's collar. She was out of breath, just like the dog.  
  
"Thanks... Mister..." She said breathlessly. She smiled wide and then looked at the dog. "Toby...very bad, very....bad dog." The small animal gave an innocent look as the woman ran up behind them. She slid next to her daughter on the sand and grabbed her hand.  
  
"Catherine! The next time I tell you to stop, you will stop!" The woman shouted angrily, but more concerned and paternal than anything else. Heero peered at the woman; it was all too uncanny. It might have been five years, but that voice... Surely he was hallucinating. The woman had on sunglasses and a hat, her blonde ponytail sticking out the back. The little girl looked up innocently at the woman.  
  
"But Mommy! Toby was running away!" She said very childlike. She gave another innocent look to the woman she called Mommy.  
  
"I said stop and you should have stopped!" The woman persisted to scream. She was out of breath and kept clutching her chest. Heero just knew he had seen her somewhere before...  
  
"I was afraid he was gonna get eaten up by a whale! Like *Jonah!" The little girl said with a teary voice. She had tears in her eyes as well. The woman sighed deeply and seemed to calm down.  
  
"Catherine, the next time Mommy says stop, stop. Even if Toby is running away." The woman said compassionately. The little girl smiled and shook her head in agreement.  
  
"Look Mommy! The man caught Toby!" The little girl said with great pride. She gave Heero a huge smile that seemed to take up her whole face. The woman rolled her eyes. She stood up and took a deep breath.  
  
And then, it all fell into place. Heero looked at the woman, silently, putting the pieces of the puzzle together. The same height, the same body shape... It was an act of God.  
  
"Well thank you, you don't know how much I apprecia--" The woman stopped as she cast her eyes on the man whom was standing in front of her.  
  
Five years changed nothing.  
  
Even through the sunglasses Heero could see her eyes, and they were wide. Her breathing had become labored again and her mouth had fallen open. She couldn't speak; it was as though she were frozen. She covered her mouth quickly and swallowed down the tears. Heero didn't move.  
  
"I appreciate...you...it... how can I, thank you...." She stuttered. She had begun to tremble slightly. Heero noticed a small, stray tear that had begun to roll down her cheek.  
  
"Do I know you?" Heero said gruffly, his eyes not leaving the distraught woman. The woman seemed to become more ecstatic.  
  
"I don't know, do you?" She said quickly as she gave a faint smile. Heero only blinked.  
  
"I know the voice.." Heero replied in the same lifeless, limp voice he used all the time. He watched as the woman that stood before him practically lost control; her knees giving out.  
  
"I know the face." She choked out as she placed her hands over her eyes. Heero reached up and took off her sunglasses. His heart seemed to fall like her tears when he saw her eyes, the eyes that he couldn't forget for five years. Heero had never once believed in God, but he was willing to give the man credit for this one.  
  
"Relena." Heero whispered. The tears strolled down her cheeks. She was silent for a few moments; she kept fighting back things. Finally, she gave a weak smile.  
  
"Heero..."  
  
She took a huge breath and turned her back. Relena wiped her eyes and tried to control her breathing. She looked at her daughter who was staring up at her. Relena put on her biggest, most fake smile and looked at the little girl.  
  
"Honey...why don't you play over there by the water, but where Mommy can see you. She just has to talk to this man about saving Toby!" Relena smiled and in return the little girl Catherine smiled.  
  
"Okay Mommy." Catherine said in a laugh as she hugged Relena's legs. "Come on Toby!"  
  
Heero watched as the young girl ran a few yards away, then he turned back and looked at Relena. She was somewhat more under control than before, but he knew, they knew that wouldn't last long. Her hair still hadn't changed; it still had the bounce he remembered. Her eyes hadn't changed either; they just looked more tired, tired from all the crying, tired from a lot of things. Her smile though... That's what he remembered the most.  
  
"You haven't changed much Heero." Relena said softly, trying to break the ice that had grown so thick. Heero nodded slightly.  
  
"You haven't either." Heero mumbled. Relena gave a look that seemed to be less than impressed, but moved emotionally in some weird way.  
  
"I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or not." She sarcastically mused. It felt good, now she was at a point where it was still awkward but tolerable. They were even already joking.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Heero asked coldly, his petrifying stare penetrating Relena's soul. It laid a heavy burden of guilt down upon her shoulders. She bit her lip and looked over at the little girl.  
  
"I was in town, and Catherine wanted to sea the ocean. I remembered this place, well the other end of this place, and I brought her here."  
  
"Catherine, that's Trowa's sister's name." Heero brought up. He wasn't really sure why he had said it, just idle talk maybe.  
  
"Really? I didn't know." Relena let a smile fall from her face; she wasn't really sure what to say. Should she go into how she had named her little girl Catherine? Should she ask how Trowa was doing? Or should she just...  
  
"What are you doing here?" Relena asked, her arms folded neatly across her chest. He was the last person in the world she would have guessed to have seen here, the last person she would have ever hoped to see here, or anywhere.  
  
"For the last six weeks, thinking." Heero replied as he shifted his gaze out to the sea. Relena looked out at it as well. It was as though the sea's majestic spell, her unchanging pattern placed the two adults under the most binding of hypnotic states, or they just were at a loss of words.  
  
"Six weeks?" Relena's eyes got somewhat wide. This has been, well, "their spot" to a certain degree. Maybe he really did care....  
  
"About anything in particular?" She questioned as she looked at the strong face of a little boy. She knew that they had grown up to fast, never having a chance to be sixteen. If things were different, she probably never would have met this loner, the man she held so highly above the rest, but then she might not be in the position she was in.  
  
"No." He answered back. She frowned, for someone she hadn't seen in five years, he sure didn't make much effort to talk.  
  
"Five years and you would have thought to see some change in you Heero." Relena managed to squeeze out through her constricting throat that was being strangled by her tears and emotions. Heero stared at her.  
  
"Five years and you would have thought to hear from you Relena." His words took her by surprise and she bit her lip harder, trying her best not to let her sadness, confusion, anger, pain, all of her emotional baggage show. Relena lowered her gaze.  
  
"I didn't have much of a choice--"  
  
"You owe me an explanation." Heero firmly stated. He didn't want to make her upset, but he wanted to know what really happened. Relena gave an enormous, nervous laugh.  
  
"Owe you?! I don't owe you anything Heero." She growled. This was already way too damn emotional for her and she sure as hell didn't want to fight. Besides, she didn't owe him anything; he had never done anything for her and anything he did had already been made up for. Heero stared at her for a moment.  
  
"As Prime Minister, you owe it to the citizens to explain why you just left...and I am a citizen."  
  
Relena was thrown back by Heero's comment; she couldn't believe... He hadn't just said! Heero kept his eyes on Relena, watching her every move, her every twisted facial expression. He could see the sadness on her face and it was growing, so was the pain, and the anguish. Relena started to breathe heavy again. She placed her hands over her eyes and turned her back to Heero.  
  
  
Every inch between us,  
  
Becomes light years now,  
  
No time to be void or save up on life,  
  
Oh, you got to spend it all...  
  
  
"Heero..." Relena stopped, she was trying to control her rapid breathing; she was almost on the brink of hysterical crying. She looked at her left hand, admiring the shiny piece of metal that fit perfectly around her finger. Relena tightly closed her eyes....  
  
"Dear Lord give me strength." She whispered to herself. Relena ran her fingers through the back of her ponytail and sighed deeply once more. Heero watched her display of handling emotions. He had never seen her so much of a wreck, whatever had happened, in his opinion, had broken her strong spirit.  
  
"I got tired of waiting." She moaned as she turned around and faced the stern-faced man who never had a chance to be a boy. She wouldn't, couldn't look him directly in the eye, that was suicide. She kept her eyes on the sand, the white powdery substance that never seemed to change...never. Heero looked at her, somewhat shocked, but he didn't show it. A millions thoughts raced through his head as stray tear fell down her pale, white cheek.  
  
"I got tired.... of, waiting...of waiting for --" Relena took a breath and closed her eyes tightly. "I got tired of waiting for you!" She screamed. She had forced the words out, if she hadn't, they might not have been said. Heero lowered his gaze, somehow he knew that was what she was going to say, but he didn't want to believe it.  
  
"I waited for almost a year of my life...for you. I would have waited...longer I suppose, but when one finds an adequate substitute, you don't question the reasons why..." Relena bit her lip and let a few more tears fall. She covered her eyes with her hands and tried to stop, but she just couldn't.  
  
"He was there for me Heero... And he spoke of things..." She paused, taking a breath; "He said things I would never had. He stood for everything I didn't believe... But if you could have heard the way he - he spoke with such passion on those matters. He captivated me."  
  
"And I had everything to gain and nothing to lose..." She said nervously, hoarsely, almost hesitantly. But this was what she believed, so why was she so afraid to say it aloud? Heero looked at the trembling little girl who had become a woman all to fast. A wave of compassion seemed to come over him, but he didn't display it. It shook his soul, but still, the perfect soldier can't show feelings can he now?  
  
"I think you have those backwards." He peered at Relena as another unit of tears out of her bloodshot eyes and fell down her moisture stained cheeks. She ran her shaking fingers down her face, trying to calm herself.  
  
"I couldn't wait for you." Her voice was almost as shaky as she was. But who said the truth was easy? Certainly no one she had ever met. Her soul was so heavy and her heart was felt like it was being sliced in two. Heero looked up at the sky.  
  
"No one asked you too." The silence was too thick. He never really pictured Relena leaving, getting married to someone. It had always been stuck in his head that she would chase after him forever. And maybe it was annoying as hell, but he hadn't gotten used to it. It had become sort of a way of life. The idea that she wouldn't do that anymore...  
  
"So, you ran away and got married."  
  
"I didn't run away."  
  
"Than what did you do?" Heero watched as Relena closed her eyes and looked over at her little girl. She was struggling for an answer, but she knew she didn't run away.  
  
"I'd have to say that was your worst case of cowardice I've ever seen." He whispered above the silence. Relena looked at him with a burning anger.  
  
"How dare you talk to me about cowardice! You don't know anything about me... You ran away from anything anyone ever felt about you! That is cowardice!"  
  
"And wearing that chain of your's isn't?" Heero moved his eyes towards her hand and Relena's eyes filled with shock and anger. She looked down at her hand. She didn't understand how he could be so cruel, or how he could be so right...  
  
"How dare you..." She hissed. Relena shook her head and let a few more tears fall down her cheeks. Relena didn't want this to happen, this was not the way it was supposed to happen, they were supposed to be happy...she was supposed to be laughing, not crying. He could have smiled.  
  
"You've said that already." Heero said lifelessly. Relena let a floodgate of tears fall down her cheek unconsciously as she reached up and slapped Heero's face, leaving a small, red handprint against his cold cheek. The force propelled his head slightly to the left and he didn't move his head.  
  
"You don't know him! You don't know me! You don't know anything about my life!" She screamed through her tears that were coming down like a waterfall, each clear droplet splashing against the sand silently. Heero whipped his head around.  
  
"Then prove me wrong! Why did you leave?" He shouted angrily, his burning pain and sadness igniting as one, setting off a chain reaction that he had never experienced before. Relena felt fear now, he had never screamed at her. She rolled her eyes slightly and tried to regain her fragile and broken composure.  
  
"He told me that... he would try his hardest to make me happy, that we could... Fight for his cause...together. He's wanted on a few "most wanted lists" and he told me that if I married him, it would be hard, and we'd move... a lot, hiding."  
  
"And..." Heero prodded in his cold voice.  
  
"And he loved me, so I packed all that I needed and walked away with him." She snapped as she narrowed her eyes. What did he want from her? Her life story for the last five years? Did he know how much this was killing her? Was he that insane? Was it really that too much to ask? Relena looked down at her feet, then she looked finally, into the stone-cold pilot's eyes hoping to see something. Heero peered back; twice as hard.  
  
"He loved you? It seems like it to me." Heero said sarcastically. Relena's mouth fell open and her uncontrollable anger went flying.  
  
"Oh what? Just because he didn't ignore me? Just because he, didn't push me away every time I would talk to him, that means that he doesn't love me Heero?" Relena shouted. She rolled her eyes. "Well if that isn't love, I guess I should have stayed with you, huh?" Heero lowered his gaze. There was an eerie silence that seemed to last forever.  
  
"Is she your daughter?" He asked, watching the little girl talk to a rock as though it were alive and her special playmate. Relena wiped her eyes and gave a laugh.  
  
"Yeah. That's my little girl. I had her the same year I got married. She was my saving grace--" Relena cut herself off quickly, realizing what she had said. Her eyes got teary and her vision was slightly blurred. Heero looked at the girl who had saved him from himself so many times.  
  
"You needed saving grace?" He asked quietly and prompted a few clear droplets of liquid diamonds to streak down her face. His heart felt like it was being ripped in two. For once in her life, Relena Dorlian had made a wrong decision, and she was apparently paying for it.  
  
"She doesn't look anything like you." He mused. Relena smiled through her depression.  
  
"No, she and her brother take after their father." Heero choked back a lump in his throat. She was really a mother, and she was really a wife. To think that she could have been talking about him.  
  
"You have a son?" His voice cracked momentarily. Relena looked up at him, and for the first time in her life she saw something she had never seen grace the presence of Heero Yuy's face. She saw ...a sort of pain that seemed to reach far deeper than his mind, far deeper that his soul. It was a miracle that she had even caught a glimpse of it, for that expression was gone just as fast as it appeared.  
  
"You seem surprised." She compassionately whispered as she stared at this man, this newcomer to the world who had never looked so alone. Relena wanted to reach down and take hold of his hand so badly it ached, but she knew she couldn't; that would violate something.  
  
"It's your life." Heero mumbled. He tried to take it in a stride; she was married, what the hell could he do about it?  
  
"My life, ha..." Relena whispered to herself. Heero glanced at her. If this was the price of happiness, if this display of a free spirit broken was the price he would have to pay to be happy, than he sure as hell didn't want it. But was she really happy?  
  
"What's his name?" Heero asked as he shuffled his feet around. He put his hands in his pocket as a cold gust of icy artic air danced around the two people like a silent audience to a silent conversation.  
  
"Gaiden." Relena replied proudly, and for the first time since they began to talk, she gave a genuine smile. Her face seemed to light up slightly as she watched her daughter play carefree, not a worry in the world.  
  
"Nice name." Heero gave that infamous look, the one that he used when he completed a mission. Relena grinned a little.  
  
"Thank you." They stood there, backs to the sea, watching Catherine dance around and play with her little puppy. Another gust of wind blew and it lifted Relena's scent, her perfume that she had worn since she was sixteen, into his nose and sent a rush of feelings, memories, and everything he had tried to bury for the past five years, back up to the surface in an instant. He turned to Relena and - for some reason he couldn't understand - took hold of her hand. Relena closed her eyes and pushed down a lump in her throat. Heero looked at her.  
  
"Come back with me..." Heero asked in a cold manner. But this time it was different, as though he wanted her to come back for him, but implied it as coming back for the others. Relena fought back a wave of emotions and shook her head.  
  
"It's not that easy." She said quietly, shaking her head.  
  
"You can bring your children." He practically pleaded in a simplistic undertone. Relena blinked rapidly trying to keep anything from coming out, and sighed.  
  
"It's not that easy..." She whispered hoarsly, looking up at Heero, trying her hardest to make him understand.  
  
"Duo and Hilde would probably let you stay with them for awhile, til you could back on your feet." Relena ripped her hand from his and backed away.  
  
"It's not that easy!" She screamed as loud as she could while she bent closed her eyes and took hold of her own shoulders. Heero watched her breakdown slowly. He wanted to do something, but what could he do? He had caused her to have this outburst...  
  
Relena's emotional barriers started to break. She ran up to Heero and looked into his eyes.  
  
"You'd don't understand how hard this is! You don't understand that this is the path I have taken! This is the course I am running for the rest of my life! I can't just pick up and leave like you do every damn time you get into one of your predicaments!" She screamed. Her hot breath blew across Heero's face as he gazed at the once strong woman who was falling into a tiny place in the back of her head. Relena just stood there, not knowing what to do.  
  
They stood, looking at each other. A few fallen tears rolled off her chin and splashed off of her jacket. Heero didn't speak at all. He just stared right back at her, both trying to examine each other's souls. Silence was all that could be heard, except for the quiet laughing of a small girl in the background who had found happiness in all the madness. Relena turned quickly and looked at her daughter; her saving grace...  
  
"Heero... Please, I'm sorry... I have to go..." Relena managed to spit out with a trembling voice. She gave him a weak smile, and sighed. "It was, good... Seeing you again." She said through the tears and blood curdling emotions as she smiled once more. Relena gave her crumbling hero once last glance and turned to walk away.  
  
"Catherine, honey! Come on baby; let's go home..." Relena shouted at the young girl as she started to head off into the direction she had come from.  
  
"Where's home?" Heero shouted at Relena. She stopped, and closed her eyes tightly. Whatever happened - whatever he said - she had to keep walking; it was the only way she would make it out. Heero felt this unbelievable pain when she began to walk away again, towards wherever she was going.  
  
And perhaps it wasn't instinct, but his own human nature. Heero ran up and reached out, grabbing hold of Relena's wrist. He felt her body began to shake. It was now or never...  
  
"I missed you..." He shouted in a soft, honest voice. He felt Relena pull her wrist away and he bit his lip. She just stood there for a moment, arguing with her mind. All of her heart told her to turn around and leave with him, but her mind told her to keep going. Time could heal anything...  
  
Heero heard above the crashing waves and screaming sea gulls, the wispy, shaking voice of a little girl he had known all to well but never acknowledged. Relena threw her hands up over her face and began to sob. Her tears seemed to instill something in Heero.  
  
Relena just stood, crying, letting all the pain she had ever felt, all her hopes and all her dreams, everything she had thrown away, empty itself into the palms of her hands. He watched as his weeping savior fell to her knees on the sand and started to cry even harder.  
  
Heero knelt next to her and took her into a hug. She ripped away her hands from her face and buried her face into his shoulders. The cold, wet emotions soaked through Heero's jacket and began to breech the material of his shirt. He held onto her tightly, getting lost in the moment.  
  
"I missed you so much! Not a day went by that I didn't think of you! Oh God Heero! If I could change it I would! I would change it all! Oh God... Just to be with you again Heero! I would change everything!" She screamed through the river of tears that soaked her skin. Heero began choking on something and felt a chill roll down his cheek. His eyes grew even wider, when he realized... He was crying.  
  
Catherine walked a little closer to her mommy and the strange man who was hugging her. She could hear her mommy and she sounded sad. Catherine thought the man was crying too, but she couldn't tell. The little girl stood there, looking at them, as the dark sky overhead started to leak it's own, silent tears.  
  
"Oh no, Toby! It's raining! Mommy!" The little girl shouted as she put her hands over her head, trying hard not to get wet. Relena looked up at Heero, her mascara running down her cheeks, leaving black, lined patterns down her face. Heero looked down at her as the rain began to soak both of them. Relena choked back some more tears as she broke from his embrace and rose to her feet. Heero stood up, never taking his eyes off of her. Relena had a frown on her face; she didn't want to leave.  
  
"Kiss me..." She said quickly. Heero's eyes went wide and a state of confusion flushed over his face.  
  
"What?" He replied. He knew exactly what she asked, but he still wasn't sure if he had imagined it or not. The rain began to come down more forcefully and a roll of thunder moved across the background. Catherine jumped.  
  
"Mommy!" She screamed as loud as she could, clutching the tiny puppy to her chest.  
  
"Kiss me Heero..." Relena shouted again. Heero stared at her blankly; he didn't know what to do. If he kissed her, would she stay? Would she leave anyway?  
  
"Relena..." He whispered. She couldn't hear him but she saw what he mouthed. She knew what held him back, the same thing that held him back every time. A fear of loss. She gave a smile and hugged him tightly. Heero hugged her back; he didn't want to let go. He knew all to well what would happen if he did...  
  
Relena pulled away from his grip. She mouthed a Goodbye as she turned away, hesitantly, running up towards her daughter. Heero watched through the rain as they ran away, into the darkness, further and further into the rain...forever.  
  
  
And wherever you've gone and wherever we might go,  
  
It don't seem fair, you seemed to like it here.  
  
Your light's reflected now, reflected from afar,  
  
We were but stones,  
  
Your light made us stars...  
  
  
Relena smiled as she started the car. She pulled onto the road and took off her hat. She looked at herself in her mirror and thought about what had happened. Maybe it was all for the best. The little girl in the back seat looked up at Relena.  
  
"Mommy, why were you crying? Were you sad?" The little girl asked innocently as a flash of lightning danced across the sky. Relena stared blankly at the road.  
  
"No Honey, Mommy was happy, because the nice man kept Mommy from making a mistake." Relena gave off another weak, but hurt smile. She ran her fingers through her hair as she accelerated the car past the part of the beach where she had just been, where she had just been saved.  
  
"What's a mis... misma-take?" The little girl asked again, her eyes wide and shining. Relena smiled. She stopped the car and looked back at her daughter.  
  
"It doesn't matter Honey, because Mommy will never even think about making a mistake ever again." She smiled at her daughter and the little girl smiled back, content with the answer. Relena turned back and started driving again. It took everything in her not to start crying, but she knew she had to be strong, for her children's sake. It was like she had said before, they were her saving grace, and she had to be there for them or else, whom would they save?  
  
***  
  
Heero stood, silently as the rain fell on his body, soaking him to the bone. He looked out at the water and remembered everything she had said. She had seemed so, so alone but she had never seemed so alive. The whole ordeal was too much for him. He had his shot; he had his shot to bring her back with him. He knew that if he had kissed her, she would have willingly come back. But maybe it was better this way, better that she left. After all, it was her life, she had chosen to leave.  
  
It just kept playing over and over in his head, the scene where the princess cascades herself into the arms of her hero, crying yet finding sanctuary in his arms. He kept hearing her words, how she screamed them with such intensity. She would change it all if she could; she would give it all up just to be with him. Heero balled up his fists.  
  
He would probably never see her again, never see that smile. The only fresh memory of her he would ever have is her walking away in the rain, with her daughter; going back to the man who had taken her away from them, taken her away from him...  
  
The anger kept growing with every word he remembered that she had said, with every memory, every picture of her he kept envisioning in his mind. His soul was yearning, screaming. He had never been so confused, never been so angry or unhappy in his life. It was better when he thought she was dead, when he didn't think he could ever see her again, when he could never have her again. But now, he knew she was alive, he knew she had children, that she had a life somewhere out there, away from him; that ripped him apart, making him want to do something drastic, making him want to do something out of control.  
  
He looked up at the sky. The rain cooled his burning face but didn't touch his burning his emotions. The fact that he couldn't do anything, that he couldn't rectify the situation, that was what pissed him off the most; what made him just want to... To scream.  
  
"I hate you..." He whispered, but something about whispering those words; it set off something in his head. "I hate you..." He said a little louder.  
  
"I hate you." Heero shouted, looking out over the sea. "I hate you!" He screamed as loud as he could. He shook his fists at the sky. "I HATE YOU!"  
  
"DO YOU HEAR ME RELENA? I HATE YOU!" He screamed as he turned around looking at the road. He knew she couldn't hear him, but he could still pretend. He began to laugh in a sadistic, hopeless way.  
  
"I hate...you!" This time his voice cracked like the thunder. He heard himself shouting those words aloud, and it didn't seem right. He didn't hate her...  
  
"I love you... " Heero whispered as he began to shake. He did... he loved her. After all these years, all this time---  
  
But it was too late now; she had left, forever. A tear fell down his cheek and blended into the rain. Heero was perplexed, shocked. The boy who never grew up fell to his knees on the sand and started to let a few more tears fall...  
  
"Relena..." Heero whispered as he collapsed onto the sand, the darkness swallowing him whole.  
  
  
And wherever you've gone and wherever we might go,  
  
It don't seem fair, today just disappeared.  
  
Your light's reflected now, reflected from afar,  
  
We were but stones,  
  
Your light made us stars...  
  
  
She sat at her kitchen table, staring into the coffee mug. She looked at the decorations, the memorabilia that she had collected during their many trips across the world. She figured that they would have to move in a year; a year and all of it would be packed up again.  
  
Where's home?  
  
That's what he had asked. She didn't reply, mostly because she didn't know. They say that home is where the heart is, but Relena didn't even know where her heart was. For one thing, it surely wasn't here. Maybe it was back at the Foreign Affairs office, or maybe it was back at the Sanq Kingdom; or maybe it was by...  
  
The door slammed shut as a tall, muscular man walked in. Relena frowned. He walked in carrying various bags of food.  
  
"I'm home!" He shouted, announcing his arrival. Relena lowered her eyes in disgust. Heero was right; this wasn't the place for her. She heard the tiny footsteps as she heard her daughter run into the hallway.  
  
"Daddy!" Catherine screamed in a fit of joy. Relena saw it in her mind; he was reaching down and picking her up, giving her a kiss on the forehead. Right about now, Gaiden was stumbling into the hallway, smiling and hugging his father's legs. Her husband would have reached down picked his son up, hugging them both and putting them down as he entered the kitchen. He would see her, looking depressed and tired, staring at the contents of her coffee cup. He'd put the kids down and tell them to go play while he talked to Mommy, and he'd walk over, looking down at her...  
  
Relena looked up at the man, not changing her expression at all. His warm smile only chilled her heart a little more, making her regret taking this path. She took a sip of her cold coffee and sighed heavily.  
  
"What's wrong?" He asked sympathetically, looking down at his depressed, upset wife. Relena looked up at him and closed her eyes. She looked back down into her coffee cup, as though it was now her only friend.  
  
"I met an old friend today." A silence strangled the air, as her husband put his hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off and stood up from her chair, dumping her coffee down the drain, laying the mug in the sink.  
  
"And this is a bad thing?" The man asked, as he stood, slightly irritated but mostly worried. Relena rolled her eyes and bit her lip.  
  
"Come back with me..." She heard whisper in her ear. Her eyes filled with tears. She sighed again and looked at the man.  
  
"David, I hope you understand, I hope you appreciate everything I've given up for you." She stated firmly. Her words sunk down into David's spine and all he could do was blink in reply.  
  
"You know, you owe everything to him..." She hissed as she stared her husband down. David gave a look.  
  
"I don't understand." He quickly replied. His confusion was obvious, but what hurt him more was that her old friend had been a "he".  
  
"I almost left you today; picked up and left. All he had to do was say yes, and I would have gone back with him. He stopped me." Relena ran her finger through her hair and closed her eyes. Her words knocked him back and he sat down at his table. He felt a pulling at his heart, and he looked up at her, shame in his eyes.  
  
"I gave up everything because I believe in something you did, but I'm not so sure I believe it anymore. But I promised something to you, and I will not go back on my word." Relena peered at David, hoping he understood where she was coming from. Her husband closed his own eyes and ran his hand across his face. He took a deep breath.  
  
"Did you...love him?" He asked shakily, hoping and praying she would say no. Relena smiled weakly.  
  
"I held him higher than any other man I had ever met, and as of today I hold him even higher." She proudly whispered. She kept thinking about what he was doing, she kept thinking of what he had said. David let out a breath of emotion. Relena narrowed her eyes once more. She walked over to where he was sitting and looked at him from across the table.  
  
"I suggest you don't take me for granted, because I found out today just how much I mean to people." She looked at him, very seriously, like she used to do when she was the Prime Minister. David stumbled for the right words.  
  
"I love you Relena... I hope you see that." David managed to work out through his anguish. Relena turned her eyes away from him and looked down at her feet. Some sand was still on her shoes. Relena let a tear roll down her cheek.  
  
"I'm learning to love you..."  
  
***  
  
"Hey Heero, hey buddy are you awake?"  
  
Those were the first words that Heero heard as he drifted back into consciousness and as the blurry things went to fuzzy and the fuzzy things went to clear. Heero saw the braided pilot sitting next to him, looking down at him, worried. Heero sighed as he rustled beneath the warm blankets he had been placed under. He tried to move but Duo stopped him.  
  
"Hey now, don't try to move. You were out there for a long time." Duo put his hands over Heero, trying to safeguard him from getting up. After all, he had been out there in the cold rain for about three hours and God only knows how long before.  
  
"I passed out..." Heero murmured under his breath. Duo grinned.  
  
"Yeah, I noticed. What happened?" He asked as he sat back in his chair, his arms folded across his chest. Heero sighed. He knew how insane this was going to sound, but still, he had asked.  
  
"She wouldn't come back with me." He whispered once more. Duo looked at Heero in a puzzled manner. Duo just knew Heero didn't mean who he thought he meant. It was just to insane, even for his suicidal partner.  
  
"Who wouldn't?" Duo replied, nervously. Heero looked at the wall.  
  
"Relena. She was there, on the beach with her daughter." Duo made a slight face and smiled down at Heero. He didn't believe him. It was probably just a little too much sea water, and the rain. He probably passed out from the cold.  
  
"Hey now, I think you need to rest." Duo said sympathetically. He stood up and started to walk out of the room. Heero looked over at him.  
  
"Duo."  
  
"Yeah Buddy?" Duo said as he turned around and looked at the pilot.  
  
"Bring me my jacket."  
  
"You aren't thinking about leaving are ya?" Duo yelled quickly. "Because if you are, I am sure as hell not bringing you your jacket."  
  
Heero growled under his breath.  
  
"Bring me the damn jacket." He snarled. Duo rolled his eyes and walked out of room. A minute later he came back, holding the damp, green jacket.  
  
"Hilde tried her best to dry it, but I guess our clothes line doesn't like you very much." Duo mused as he tossed the jacket at Heero.  
  
Duo watched as Heero searched through the pockets, obviously looking for something. Heero pulled out the small, black, John Lennon looking sunglasses. Duo wondered where he had gotten them from, but didn't ask.  
  
"Get some rest buddy." Duo said as he grinned. Heero nodded in agreement and watched as Duo closed the door and turned out the light. Heero looked at the glasses, running his fingers over them slightly. He gave a half smile.  
  
Heero turned around and got out of the bed. He grabbed his shoes from the corner and put on his jacket. He propped open the window. Heero climbed out and jumped onto the road, shaking off the lightheaded-ness that seemed to sweep over him. He pulled the sunglasses out of his pocket and put them on and started to walk towards the city.  
  
Now he had to find Relena, it would be rude to keep her glasses. Heero smiled to himself as a cool breeze accompanied him to his new destination, his new mission.  
  
"I can wait another five years..."  
  
  
  
__________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
*Jonah = Biblical story about a man who ran away from God and was swallowed by a whale in the sea. 


End file.
